What I'm Doing Here

I took this photo last June on the summit of Mt. Longonot in Naivasha, Kenya. On the way from Nairobi to Nakuru, I had stopped at a friend's house to split up the journey and prepare myself to spend six months living cross-culturally.

Two years before beginning that journey, a friend and mentor of mine gave a talk on pilgrimage which changed the way I saw the concept of travel. My friend taught me that travel was not merely a desire to indulge oneself in the excitement of exotic locations, but a yearning to recognize the face of Christ in places which were once unknown. Hearing these words was so freeing — I dedicated myself to the posture of a pilgrim, recognizing beauty wherever I found myself in God's world.

Yet, when I look back on this image while sitting in a suburban Starbucks and see my smiling face overlooking Kenya's Central Highlands, I face the temptation to romanticize my travels and reduce them back to the sinful institution of tourism. I remember the day we hiked Mt. Longonot and can't help but wish I were back there, rather than watching endless cars pass through a square, seemingly-sterile Chicagoland.

I don't mean to shame myself for this nostalgia, but I often recall these memories quite unrealistically. Had I better recognized Christ's presence in that moment, perhaps today's recollection wouldn't be so romantic. Perhaps I could better appreciate the journey I was on then in relation to my current journey, rather than idealizing a place I once inhabited. For in truth, that day was much like any other—it was full of challenges. My body at the time was not ready to hike around the crater at the pace of my friends, and I remember feeling ashamed that I was falling behind them. The week before, a new acquaintance of mine had been brutally attacked in his home, and I found my spirit haunted by this story, paranoid at the thought of darkness in such close proximity.

I struggled then to recognize God even in the midst of newness and beauty, and still we all continue to struggle. But that is why there is such motion in the word pilgrimage, which invites us not into knowing but to a more interior searching. Pilgrimage is a posture which requires us to keep going, trying, and most importantly, hoping. We look to Brother Jesus, the most perfect and holy pilgrim, who journeyed into our own darkness, recognizing the face of the Father even there.

Pilgriming is a posture of trust that God is still mercifully present in the midst. It is a journey through the wilds of grace and recognition. Most importantly, it is something that I am still working to figure out, which is where this site comes in. So, that being said, I hope you'll enjoy perusing and pilgriming along with me. Welcome.

- Charles Hermesmann